IAmTheCookieGod

Copyright the Cookie God 2015 - 3011. The following work is subject to copyright. Use of the following material without prior written permission of the owner is prohibited by law. ©

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A sudden swirling sensation.

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Hungry, thirsty and worn, you fall towards a hazy, light brown landscape.

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And you stand up, gazing at the foreign place you landed in. You feel the ground, tough, yet flexible. You also see little chunks of dark brown dotting the land, and you feel it. It is hard, yet brittle.

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In the distance, as you gaze towards the sky, you observe smooth, cylindric trees the color of white with red stripes covering the whole thing - or is it the other way around?

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As you wonder at the strange tree, you notice the leaves - paper thin, airy, and almost like clouds.

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And as your eyes explore the new world, you spot a white, milky lake in the distance. As you think about this alien realm, the hunger, thirst, and fatigue take over, and you fall headfirst into the ground.

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You open your mouth to utter your final words, but instead takes in a handful of the ground.

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And you are shocked - for you instantly realize, this isn't dirt! This isn't rock! This is... cookies! Yes, cookies! And you decide - screw your lactose intolerance! Screw diabetes! Screw whatever mundane restrictions placed upon all of humanity! This... is a utopia, free from all that!

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And you guzzle pounds after pounds of cookies, and also found out the black rocks are chocolate chips.

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Heaven! This is Heaven! You think, whilst crouching like a cow, sweeping in the luscious cookies on all fours.

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And before long, you arrive in front of a tree. On of the curious trees. You think, 'if the ground is edible, why can't the flora be?'

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And so, you bite the tree with all the power you could muster. However, the tree was harder than you though it would be, and now your malnourished teeth hurt.

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But the tree, no matter how hard it was, just had to fall. And fall it did. But you realize something again - the sweet flavour, reminiscent of... yes, candy cane!

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The ground is cookies, the trees are candy canes - what else? Is the air sugar? You wonder.

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But as you see the cotton like leaves fluttering away with the soft breeze, an animalistic desire comes over you and you storm over, furiously doing away with the leaves.

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And to your surprise - or maybe not - it's sugar! Completely sugar!

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With your hunger quelled, your thirst forces you to look for water of some sort. You rack your memories and remember the white lake from before.

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You crawl over to the lake from before and take a big gulp of the white liquid, and your parched throat instantly heals. This milk is like no other! You think. Yes, indeed! The milk, creamy, sweet, and none of the evil called preservatives.

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After quenching your thirst, you decide to further explore this world and left the valley you came to. You then travelled very, very far, eventually reaching a flat plain.

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And you see a wonderful city. One of the million erected upon this wonderful paradise.

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You walk into the city hall and navigate the maze-like corridors, eventually arriving at the registration office.

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And you get yourself a truly terrific villa, completely made of edible materials. Walls made of candy canes, the ground cookies. The mattress made of cotton candy, and the tap water creamy milk.

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You get a job at the front office and decide to head towards the forest. Armed with an axe made from extremely hard candy cane and a blade forged from the hardest of chocolates, you cut down trees, collecting the cotton candy and the candy cane that you can harvest.

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After an entire morning of just chopping and collecting, you decide to get a quick break and decided to relax in your villa. You sip the cool, refreshing milk, and dine on finely crafting courses.

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As you finish your lunch, you went outside and started mining for the hardest of chocolates deep in the mines, and you hit a huge deposit of them very fast.

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And as you finished up the work, you headed outside and collected buckets of milk near the river, lake, and other sources.

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And just before dinner, you went to deposit all of your wares for whatever rewards you may get.

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All the goods you collected today were put in the delivery cart towards the capital of this magnificent empire, towards... yes, me.

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Why me? Because

I Am The Cookie God

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The real notes: please follow! Very helpful!

And here's the bullying thing-a-ma-jig:

Bullying? Think you're so cool? The girl you called fat? She is on a diet. The girl you called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for the country. That boy who was crying? His mother is dying. The kid you just made fun of for being bald? He had cancer. Put this in your profile if you're against bullying.

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Well, I mean, well... I guess I helped?

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And a couple other facts about cookies since I can't get over them: The first National Cookies Day was celebrated in 1987, December 4th by Matt Nader, the founder of the Blue Chip Cookie Company.

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A Guide on How to Enjoy National Cookie Day:

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Step one: Experiment with new cookies - but don't tarnish the name of cookies! If the result of your hard work is poisonous, disgusting, and ugly, please don't call it a cookie. It'll ruin my reputation.

Step two: Taste cookies! Well, not your not-cookies of course, but some real cookies. And do be mindful about any dietary restrictions. I don't want to be blamed for your unfortunate death if you do happen to die.

Step three (optional): Support your local bakery! At least the ones that sell cookies. If they don't, you really don't have to. But if they do have cookies and you don't support them, well... actually, if you're bankrupt, you don't have to. It's just a matter of personal taste (notice the "optional" at the end of "Step three").