chesswithsammy

Hello, my name is Sammy, if you haven't seen my name already, and I am N/A years old and an "aspiring" chess player. My rating hovers between 1100-1300, and am trying to improve it. As of right now, my top 2 wins were against an 1800 rating player, and a 2000 rated player, both with checkmate.  If you want to adopt me feel free to chat with me and try to beat me 10 times in a row, which won't be easy!

Current OTB Rating- 1342

Players I have adopted- @OomPaL0OmPa299

Hilarious Bongcloud story that @JackRoach wrote (ALL credit to him) , I thought it was funny so I included it

In a small, timeless, idyllic town there was a small community chess club. Most days, for a few hours, the chess club met in the old meeting room with a cozy fireplace and many chess boards and pieces of different sizes, shapes, and colors. A man named Bob ran the club, teaching the members and helping them with positions and openings. The average chess rating was around 1500, and almost everyone hadn’t been to a tournament before, except for Bob. Bob was so close to becoming a Candidate Master, he just needed to place around the top 3 in the upcoming tournament.

After the chess meeting of the day, Bob went around putting all of the pieces back; he was left this job because he claimed he liked looking at the chess positions. Wild, attacking games were what everyone liked to play, except Bob who had varied style. Most games featured sharp Sicilian games, King’s Gambit games, and pretty much anything that was unsound and/or fun. The Queen’s Pawn Opening, and pretty much any other opening than e4 was considered “dry,” and just not played because no one wanted to grind through a game for 100 moves.

After Bob placed all of the pieces back into their positions and shut the door, the pieces came to life, dancing, partying, and doing whatever they wanted now that the humans weren’t handling them. They were afraid if they came to life when the humans were there, they would scare the humans to not play chess with them anymore. The horsies (they refused to be recognized as “knights” with other pieces) whinnied with pleasure taking pieces on wild rides on the boards. The queens were pompous and saw all others as inferior, as almost all games had them as the major attacker. The pawns were slightly inferior to the other pieces, but they reminded the others that they could become queens and they were the “soul of chess.” The bishops laughed along with the others, but mostly argued philosophically and theoretically amongst themselves about which of their religions was the correct one. The rooks zoomed around the corners at lightning speed, boasting that they were "major" pieces.

But the kings, the kings never attacked. Ever. The only reason someone picked them up was to tuck them away safely in the corner, forgotten until they were under attack. They knew the humans saw them as damsels in distress. The kings couldn’t compare with their chess stories, because they had none. Because sitting there waiting to be mated wasn’t something that others thought was entertaining. That night, the kings had a plan. They would hide until the humans showed up, the humans wouldn’t be able to play chess. And, if the worst came to the worst, if the humans decided to play some warped “kingless chess,” then the kings would speak out. Then they would talk, they would get heard.

The next morning, Bob came in to study some openings with a book he had. To his surprise, the kings were gone! Bob looked around until he opened a drawer where all of the kings were crowded. “Hmmm…” hummed Bob as he examined the kings, “Maybe a dumb prank,” he decided, and put the kings in their rightful spots. 

The kings did not like this, they would just get found and put back, it would seem like an Elf on the Shelf prank, they would laugh about it and play chess. One brave king, Sir Reginald Archibald Benidict III, who had been in the club for generations, spoke out. “Bob, the kings would like to declare that we are officially boycotting this club unless we get our own opening!” Bob dropped his knight (that was actually a horsie) and looked around, startled. He looked at the white king in front, it was talking to him! “Umm… who are you? Are you a robot?” Sir Reginald Archibald Benidict III was angry. “I am not a Ro Bat! My name is Sir Reginald Archibald Benidict III, and after a century of silence we need to talk to you. These non-king knaves need to humble themselves, we are the superior! We need to attack! We need to fight the enemy, face to face, alongside our other brave pieces!” Sir Reginald Archibald Benidict III motioned to the other pieces on the board, who suddenly snapped to life. 

“You are but mere Pedestrians,” argued the white king’s own bishop, “While we are like cyclists!” The other pieces nodded, baffled, but supposed the bishop was right. The black king walked toward the white king, who was still on the edge of the chess table. “This king is right,” argued the black king as he advanced toward e2, “We need to, oops.” The king was walking steadily toward e2 so he could stand with Sir Reginald Archibald Benidict III, but he bounced back all the way to e6. 

Bob was staring transfixed at the scene, until he suddenly snapped to attention. “Ok, I get it. You guys were slightly overpriced, I’m guessing you are all secretly robots or something. That is the only way you guys can be talking. But please do not talk to the other people that come in here, because they might steal you.” Bob seemed to be struggling to understand, and just decided to go with it. What else could he do? Bob stared at the kings for a moment, “I will invent a new opening just for you, play it at the tournament, and hope it gets popular. Other than that, there isn’t much else I can do.” The kings looked at each other, “Ok,” they finally said. “We have a great opening name, and we need to bestow the title upon you.” “What do you mean?” Asked Bob. The kings motioned for him to come over. The two kings gathered together all of the other kings to their board, and they all closed their eyes and chanted, “You, Bob, are now Bongcloud Bob. In order to deserve this name, you need to play and popularize the moves 1. e4, e5 2. Ke2 and name it the Bongcloud opening.” The kings stopped their chanting and looked at Bongcloud Bob. “Ok,” said Bongcloud Bob, “I guess I better go to my tournament now. I will move the king within the first 2 moves in all of my games. Ok? The kings nodded their approval.

In the bustling tournament hall, Bongcloud Bob found he was paired with a Fide Master. This was not going to earn him rating points, but he had a weapon. The Bongcloud. Bob was white, and moved e4. The Fide Master moved e5. Bongcloud Bob moved his king to e2. The master stared at the king for minutes, until he made the move Nf6. Bob had to protect the pawn, and what other piece to protect it but the king? So Ke3. The Fide Master got frustrated, wasn’t it a known rule not to move the king in the opening? But he’d never heard this before. Was this a troll, or was it a novelty? The Fide Master threw everything he had at the king, hoping to win faster than Paul Morphy did in the Opera house game. But in the end, all of Black’s pieces were gobbled up by his king. The Fide Master resigned after only 20 moves. 

The next game was the same result. And the next, and the next. Bongcloud Bob was the 1st place winner, and got his CM title. A month later, he also had a GM title, because of the OPness of the Bongcloud, and was close to becoming world champion, but the current chess champion started playing the Bongcloud and won almost all the time with it.