ryryabc
חבר יהלום

Teacher: Why didn't you study?


Me: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that are way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That is why I did not study.


Teacher: That actually makes sense. DISMISSED!


The wildest draw??

Lost your pen = no pen

No pen = no notes

No Notes = no study

No study = fail

Fail = no diploma

No diploma = no work

No work = no money

No money = no food

No food = you get skinny

Skinny = then you get ugly

Ugly = no lover

No lover =  no marriage

No marriage = no children

No children = alone

Alone = depression

Depression = sickness

Sickness = Death

oof~

Lesson: Don't lose your pen

A surprising number of people get offended when their rematches are declined. Oh well. 😂😂

After game bro was like

chesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawnchesspawn

Oh, absolutely, chess players are just grandmasters at life, aren't they? They see the world as a 64-square board where every move is calculated, every decision is strategic, and every social interaction is a potential checkmate. They're the ones who plan their grocery shopping like it's a championship game, pondering whether to sacrifice the organic avocados for the budget-friendly bananas. And let's not forget how they handle life's challenges – with the stoicism of a knight facing down a queen, ready to leap over obstacles in an L-shaped pattern. They're the ones who have a Plan B, C, and D for every life event, from a job interview to a first date. They don't just live life; they play it with the precision of a timed chess match, each tick of the clock a reminder to make their next master move. And when things don't go as planned? They simply 'castle' their problems away, switching their king's position with their rook's, because who doesn't have a fortress to retreat to in times of trouble? They're the embodiment of patience, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, much like waiting for the coffee to brew to its full-bodied perfection. Chess players, with their ability to foresee consequences several moves ahead, probably have their retirement planned out by the age of ten. And emotional control? Please, they've got that in check – pun intended. They face life's ups and downs with the grace of a bishop gliding across the board, never letting their pawns see them sweat. So, if you ever need advice on life, find a chess player. They'll have you strategizing your way to success, one pawn's move at a time. Just remember, in the grand chessboard of life, sometimes you're the king, and sometimes you're the sacrificial pawn – but if you're a chess player, you've probably figured out a way to be both simultaneously. Checkmate!

Once upon a time, in a bustling city where chess tournaments were as common as hot dog stands, lived the world-renowned chess grandmaster, Magnus Carlsen. Known for his strategic brilliance and calm demeanor, Magnus was preparing for the biggest match of his career.

One sunny afternoon, Magnus decided to take a break from his intense training. He strolled through the city park, where the aroma of sizzling hot dogs filled the air. Unable to resist, he bought a hot dog from a cheerful vendor named Sam. As he enjoyed his snack, Magnus noticed a group of kids playing nearby, dressed in colorful Power Rangers costumes. They were reenacting epic battles, their laughter echoing through the park.

Magnus smiled, reminiscing about his own childhood adventures. Suddenly, he felt a strange sensation in his ear. He tried to ignore it, but it grew increasingly uncomfortable. Realizing he had some ear crud, he decided to head back to his hotel to clean it out.

Back in his room, Magnus carefully removed the ear crud and felt immediate relief. As he washed his hands, he glanced at the Power Rangers action figures he had collected over the years, proudly displayed on a shelf. They reminded him of the importance of balance and fun, even in the midst of serious competition.

The next day, refreshed and inspired, Magnus entered the tournament hall. His mind was clear, and his spirit was high. He played with the precision of a grandmaster and the joy of a child, channeling the energy of the Power Rangers and the simple pleasure of a hot dog in the park.

Magnus won the match, not just with his skill, but with a heart full of memories and a mind free of distractions. He realized that sometimes, the smallest things—like a hot dog, a bit of ear crud, and the playful spirit of the Power Rangers—could make all the difference in the world.

And so, Magnus Carlsen continued his journey, always remembering to find joy in the little things, and to keep his ears clean. 🏆🌭👂🦸‍♂️

Chess is so interesting in itself, as not to need the view of gain to induce engaging in it; and thence it is never played for money.

Benjamin Franklin

everybody believes chess is a game in 2D. But no, it's actually a game in 3D.

 you can't have castling, and knights jumping over pawns & pieces, without 3 dimensions.

I know, it hurts.

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