Closing my account

I know it looks like attention seeking, but this forum is for a proper closure. I think I am super addicted to chess and it's not good for my career. This is the last time for me. I won't return again...even with a new account. I have been playing chess since 2011 and probably played over 10 thousand games including online and offline. I must say I never noticed how much it has been sabotaging my career and attention span. Recently I realised that I am addicted to chess more than I thought. It started as normal time passing game between me and my friend and sometimes with my uncles. At first, we used to play horribly. Like 300-400 rated player and we had no idea about the chess world...That openings, middle game and all these tactics and strategies exist. We used to think that it's all about how smart and witty we are... It’s about intelligence and being clever. I used to get defeated 80% of the time against my friend and my uncle. Also, there was this chess app named Karpov Advanved 3D in Nokia 2700. We couldn’t beat it even with teaming up against it. Me and my friend tried so hard but couldn’t defeat it.. Even my uncles could not do it either. Back in those days, Windows 7 chess titan was the thing for us. We used to this is computer and nobody can beat it. But Karpov advance 3D defeated the level 10 of Chess titan every time. We came to conclusion that it’s unbeatable.            It all started with that. I couldn't take it any more. Wanted to improve and beat them. So I started my research on chess. One after another. After a year of reading books for beginners and solving puzzles. I returned for revenge and gotten defeated again. And then my research went further and more intense. I started learning about opening traps. I memorised our games and analysed them... Prepared opening traps with the help of Houdini. Yes. Houdini was my recent discovery. Realised that it was the God of chess. I started believing nothing can surpass houdini. I wasn’t aware of other programmes. Anyway, after all these preparation, I returned again after 1 and a half year and defeated my friend and uncles. We had 5 matches and I had 3 win - 1 draw and 1 lose agaist my friend and 4 wins against one of my uncles and the other uncle quit chess. (He wasn’t that fond of chess even back then) So. He refused to play because he was busy and he thinks he is too old and not well adept for chess anymore. But, I couldn’t defeat Karpov advance 3D. Sigh.  So anyway, Then, I found Morphy. (Before finding Morphy, I was a fan of Kasparov and him and Karpov are the only chess GM I knew of and heard they were the best) . After watching Morphy's games and his sacrifices, I learned new patterns of playing. I didn’t know of sacrifices. I used to play materialistically. I did know of developing pieces, centre control and slowly getting spaces but this type of attacking chess was first introduced after learning about Morphy. My eyes were like a kid...sparking with shock and wonder..like a cavemen     finding something highly technological. Startled. Never jave have I ever thought of sacrifices. Learned a new pattern. After learning and reading all of his games including his biography, my playing style changed drastically. After that I started learning about other chess players, their games and biographies. And then just like that I became slowly addicted to chess .  All I could think of was chess. All new books, tactics, strategic ideas, opening theories, pattern recognition, endgame puzzle studies...king and rook vs king and bishop..lucena position etc. And a lot more concepts like pawn structure, pawn breaks, isolated queen pawn, mimority attack, king side attack vs queen side attack, rook lift, outpost, maneuvering pieces to better squares, outpost and the list goes on. I opened account on chess.com back in 2015. I used to be much better in Rapid than blitz. My rapid average used to be 1300-1400. But my blitz was always below 1000. I was so slow that even 10 mintues was not enough. 10 minutes used to feel like bullet and lost games on time. Later, I kept on playing and somehow became faster and faster. One day I I made my record and played 200 blitz match in a day. Started at 6 am and finished at 9 am next day. Didn’t sleep. After that pushing my limit.. I took rest for two days and returned. Started feeling like 10 minutes was natural and it didn’t feel that fast anymore. After that, my blitz rating went to 1200-1300 range. Which was a massive achievement. Back in those days, I didn’t know how much rating one must acquire to be on the same level of a titled player. I used to think 1800 is the rating for that. Lol. So I made that my goal. My standard games improved too. It went to 1500-1600 range and sometines fluctuating between 1600-1700. Back in those days this place was full of cheaters and it was hard to push elo. Later, I found the book of nimzowitch. My system and it helped me improve A LOT. My entire perspective on playing style cchanged. I started studying Botvinnik's games as well. Including Larsen. Nimzo-Larsen became one of my pet openings. I used to dislike Karpov but statrted understanding his positional beauty and importance of Prophylaxis. Then, in 2017, my average standard elo became 1700-1800 and blitz 1400-1500. After this I was stuck in this 1400-1500 range for a looong time.  After reaching 1700-1800, I realised that it’s not even close to being the level of a titled player. I was so disappointed and frustrated. Felt like impossible. Anyway.      Then, I found that old Nokia phone and found out that it still lives but needs a new battery. It was hard to collect an old model battery but I somehow managed. Played against Karpov advance and won. 3-2 result. Finally, my original reason for chess ended but I kept on playing out of habit. I tried to quit and closed accounts twice but didn’t stop me from   returning. May be because I needed a closure. Later on back in 2018 my blitz range was 1600-1700 and starndard was 1800-1900. This year it was 1700-1800 in blitz but I stopped playing seriously and wanted to play foe just fun. Dropped my rating goal. And I have defeated a NM in standard game. I am done. I don't even know why I am I continuing this. My friend quit chess ever since I have beaten him. He refuses to play no matter how much I insist him. He even hates chess. He calls me chess maniac. My uncles died. I miss the old days when I didn’t know anything and chess was just for fun. And aiming for being a titled player is not good for my career. So...this is it. Bye. Thank you chess world. It has been good ride. Chess belongs to AIs now, I guess. There is no room for creativity and fun like it used to. Anyway  that's not the point. Good bye. For real.                                                                                    

I will delete my account after I wake up. Going to sleep now.

Best wishes!

Thanks!! 

I was "addicted" when I was 15 years old (1972). Studied 6 hours a day. Wanted to be World Champion. Got to be Champion of my country (Puerto Rico) in 1976, but God had other plans for me, and He let me know in many ways.

I still like chess, many years later, but mostly I buy chess books, most of them game collections, to widen my chess culture, because when I started, I was self-coached. Did not know how to study, but had a lot of desire.

I discovered music, and then spirituality, and those two have become, together, the focal point of my life.

I play one or two games a year OTB in Iceland, but only because I have a friend there who also loves the game, and he plays for the Reykjavik Club. But I have to keep it at a certain distance, because it CAN be addictive. So I try to.

I do not know how old you are, or what your career is, but best wishes in your journey!

Take care out there in the wild where new adventures await. Remember that there are no ordinary moments and also to keep your feet warm and your head cool. 

I avoid playing online, except one or two games at a time. I know there are people that have 50 games going on at once, and I do not think you can really play so many games well, unless you are an IM or GM.

My biggest joy in chess was always analyzing positions with my friends, and trying to find out the "truth" about a position.

It is through the ego, I believe, that the addiction takes hold. For me it is now more of an aesthetic pleasure, like when I find a chess theme that is passed on from generation to generation, or some wonderful combination, etc, I like to share my sense of wonder through the blogs I write.

Again, best wishes in your life!

Thank you, all. Really appreciate your beautiful comments!  And thanks for understanding. 

And Kamakanta, "    My biggest joy in chess was always analyzing positions with my friends, and trying to find out the "truth" about a position." - This. Same! We used to have so much fun analyzing. Haha. And I agree with what you said. You had amazing experience with chess!  Honestly, I am into spirituality too recently. I have started meditating.      

Take care man. 

Whether you're being honest or not, you at least are able to acknowledge you have an addiction.  I wish you well.

May the force be with you.   Might be meeting a long time chess.com buddy face to face for the first time next weekend and the wisest decision we might have made beforehand is that we will not be playing or talking about chess during the visit 😁

Almost 4,000 miles for a game, that's putting some distance. Hope you remember a coat.

Yes, it is cold when I go there, but the temp. is about the same as NY! I am 62 years old, and work as a sales clerk in a store.

Still a strong swim to get there.

Good luck and we'll be here for you if you ever decide to come back!

@Batman565

The whole point of his post was to say he was never going to come back