1000 signs you're not a very good chess player

41. After 500 games on chess.com your rating is still only provisional as you have never won a game.

42. You buy a copy of Chess for Dummies but can't understand even the opening chapters.

43. The Dictionary of Chess's entry for patzer features a photo of you.

44. "What are these, butt plugs?"

http://ifitshipitshere.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/designer-chess-set-stimulates-body-as.html

You play 20 moves before you find the board is sideways!

45. you think you have to take the other persons king to win

46. you stalmate a person and when he doesn't move you say "what, move"

47. you think you lose when your in check.

48. you think the queen is as important as the king so when your opponent offers a trade of queens and you take his you say "i win"

49. your ranking is -1

50. your best game was against a gorrilla named "food", you tied.

51. moving the pawn diagonally not once, but three more times after being told not to the first time. I'm glad my wife isn't a member...

52. the only way you can win is when you tip over the other persons king when their not looking

53. you try to get a quadrupled pawn since it looks like sodiers in a row which you think is a good formation.

54. you pawn reaches the 8th rank and you say "pawn me"

55. You have to ask your friends what its like to win

56. You cry when your oponent doesnt play the 2nd move you wanted him to play because you only know one opening.

57. Your 2yo son shook the board while you were trying to teach him chess and the piece that moved checkmated you.

Thanks for over 1,000 views now for 1,000 signs

58. You think that the current world chess champion is called Mario and he plays the Nintendo opening.

59. You stare at your opponent when his knight jumps over his pawns

60. You are studying a profetional game and you say "so he has already done a bad opening" when he does the sisilian defence

61. you say "is your brain all right" when your opponent does anything but e4 for his first move

62. you say "is your brain all right" when your opponent does anything but e5 for his first move when defending to e4

63. you think normal chess is dumb so you always play chess 960

64. you think that in chess 960 you scramble up the pawns so some of them end up in the back rank

65. you think normal chess is sort of like chess 960 because every time you play the pawns are in a different starting position

66. You somehow draw in a K vs K+Q when you have the extra queen

67. You roll a die to determine how many squares your pawn moves

68. When the computer does you analycise it says 10% inacuricies 90% blunders

69. you finnaly do an OK move and you stare at your opponent but he is just fine staring back at you since you havn't hit the clock

70. When you claim you win by stalemating your opponent's king.

71. what kind of website is this???

72. Checkers, I think. Only each side starts with a king?

41.Your friend comes up with these rules

73. You consistently open with h4, a4, Rh3, Ra3, no matter what your opponent plays.

74. You think the Scotch opening signals the beginning of Happy Hour

#1001

You start a thread about all the things you are insecure about, and your ego gobbles your face off.

Why don't we encourage others to learn and grow their chess games?

oh right, because to belittle and berate others it hides the insecurities of ourselves.