Reasons I Hate Live Chess

I don't, really. This is just silly fun as are all of my topics I post. Be sure to add yours. Here we go:

1. I'm afraid I'll play Cheater_1 and his Gameboy.
2. I'm afraid I'll play King William and his witty wit.
3. I'm afraid I'll play Rael and he'll play rael good.
4. I'm afraid I'll play Erik, beat him, and get banned from chess.com.
5. No way for opponents to vacation abuse me even when I'm losing.
6. I prefer to lose over "days" than "minutes." The sting is less severe.
7. I like it when my .html page refreshes. It's like A.I.
8. iPhone. Enough said.
9. There's got to be some lag from the US to South Africa.
10. All this clickety-click technology frightens me. (Not really.)
11. The pieces look "too real."
12. I demand 3D chess boards for live action.
13. I lost my 3D glasses.
14. I play touch chess and don't have a touch screen monitor.
15. En passant? What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willist?

That is all. 

I particularly like rule #6.

 Getting beat in a few days is easier to cope with then getting beaten in a few minutes.

That's exactly what I'm sayin'. 

I already "rot" at slow paced chess. live chess would prove my inadequacy.

 Kinda like it is better to be silent and thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.