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Chess makes me depressed (serious post) I Need Help

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TomPetty

Hi,

I really hate chess. Sometimes I think Isee improvement andmy rating rise, to just see it fall again. Every stupid blitz loss I take very personal.

Why do I keep on playing chess I don't know. I really hate chess in a way that a heroin user might hate heroin I assume (not sure never been hooked on heroin).

Let me explain this, every day I feel the urge to play blitz chess on the internet (not always on chess.com, other sites too). My typical day is that i feel reasonably happy, feel like playing some blitz chess, lose some stupid games and feel depressed. it's a circle I cannot get out of!

I don't like chess, I am spending too much time on it for rarely any reward, all I get is pain.

Also I don't like the grumpy and hostile person I become, always berating and insulting my opponent, I am otherwise a nice guy, but internet blitz brings the worse in me.

I think I have a Problem.

But there is no help, no help atall for a problem like this, at least on poker sites I think they have lines you can call for addiction, nothing like that for chess.

I hate my life because of chess.

I hope somebody here can help me.

My life is a hell!

 

TalsKnight

I use to take OTB losses very personal, Its really an issue of ego. For me I just had to let the loss games I played go, and not dwell on it.

You have to learn to just let it go and move onto the next game and also realize your not as good as you think you are.

And thats the hard part we think we are better then we really are at Chess, if only this or that didnt happened LOL.

X_PLAYER_J_X

I think the solution is for you to stop playing Blitz chess and start playing Standard chess.

No one cares about Blitz or Bullet.

Standard or Classical chess is the way to go.

2 hours to move no stress

Murgen

@TomPetty

Don't take the losses to heart, or any temporary losses or gains of rating points. Smile

Carlaspencer
Well, it sounds like you have completed step #1: admitted that you are powerless over chess and your life has become unmanageable. Very good! You are now a member of the It Hurts So Good club. Next, you must find your Higher Power, which can be God, the universe or your dog, Spot. You have tried to stop playing chess and have failed miserably, correct? So now it's time to permit your Higher Power to make the next move. This step is very important: make a list of all those you harmed, ignored or abused because you just couldn't say no to that next game of chess. Then make amends to every single one of them. That will keep you so busy you will forget how to play chess and take up bowling. If not, say this prayer 30 times a day: God, grant me the serenity to accept the chess I cannot change. The courage to change the chess I can And the wisdom to know the difference. Seriously, I do wish you peace and joy as you trudge the road of happy destiny. (Maybe ill see you there)
Bishop_g5

TomPetty @

Come on Tom! Taking so serious the game it's not the solution. You know, there is no such a level were a chess player doesn't taste heavy embarrassing defeats. You always gonna lose games as we all do and in fact you are gonna lose games were you are winning because this is the game.

What you need to do, is to find a way to organize your training and learning. I think there is a good tool here in chess.com to show you what to do. Just use it.

liveink

Message me if you're serious. I've been there but you gotta show you're really in trouble so message me. Chess is a game. chess is more than a board game.

imsighked2

Situational depression comes from frustration and stress. If chess no longer is fun, take a break. Go for a walk, talk with a friend, spend time with an intimate partner, play with a dog. If it gets really bad, find a therapist. (I'm a clinical mental health counselor, and, at times, I get situational depression when under stress.) There is more to life than chess. I just lost four games in a row after studying for two weeks, making multiple blunders. Then I won my next two. It's just a game.

Darth_Algar

Don't you sometimes wish that Caissa would stop dragging your heart around?

Mate_In1

Hey Tom Petty, I'm a big fan of your music!  "You don't know how it feeeeels... to be me!"  Haha, just kidding :P  Saw your post and wanted to thank all the cool people who have offered advice, good job people.  If I can contribute anything, I would say don't beat yourself up, we are only human.  Also, maybe look into some OCD, or compulsion therapy (maybe there's gambler's anonymous too since you mention poker) but most of all, get outside for some fresh air, one thing that improves your thinking is oxygen to the brain :)))

 

ajuu paraplu Cool

liveink

Chess holds its master in its own bonds, shackling the mind and brain so that the inner freedom of the very strongest must suffer. - Albert Einstein

Kahnc6969

Hey tom, just know that you are not alone. I too suffer from the blitz chess blues. Sometimes I walk around naked after ripping all my clothes off from the anger I accumulated losing blitz chess games.I hit rock bottom Tom, and found myself studying Endgame theory for 12 hours a day and not leaving the house. My family found me convulsing and foaming at the mouth with endgame books piled on me several feet high. Tread lightly over the 64 squares kids.

RonaldJosephCote

          " blitz chess blues".  ?Undecided  Is that a Basie tune or Woody Herman?

Chicken_Monster

Serious response: They make meds for this type of problem, which has nothing to do with chess stress. See a psychiatrist ASAP about possibly getting a presciption to take an SSRI.

Nckchrls

Hey, I'm no expert but maybe...

It could be that somewhere along the way you started equating chess results to your personal self worth. I don't know why but the phenom isn't that rare in chess. Though maybe you have an extreme case.

If you aren't able to make chess simply a practice of solving abstract problems on a game board with little to no connection to who you are as a person, then to probably be happy, you may have to:

Mainly play people you can beat or greatly reduce the number of times you play.

Whatever's going on. I sincerely hope your situation gets better.

PremiumDuck
Hey Tom, your problem is two fold and has nothing to do with chess. First of all you are from the Netherlands which is enough to depress anybody, in your society drugs and prostitutes are totally acceptable but dunking a rusk in your coffee is considered barbaric , you also live below sea level which totally sucks. Secondly I am guessing your level of insults are not of a very high quality, not being able to insult,belittle and humiliate an opponent properly after a loss will leave you feeling worse. Again the Dutch are not good at insults because you are so sensative about being politically correct and stuff. You should move to a non European country ,get a girlfriend and get out into nature more. Take up metal work, anybody that works with metals soon learn how to use proper insults. If you can't move try convince yourself you are from Brazil by eating more bananas and saying these words when looking in the mirror ' I am a Brazilian don't mess with me' This is real practical advice, let me know how it works for you.
Eyechess

Seriously, Chess is a game that people put themselves into.  When you expend energy, thought and time deciding on moves and making them, it is natural to attach that game to yourself.  I understand because I have been there.  So have a lot of other people, by the way.

It's true that no matter how high of a rated player you are, you will lose chess games.  Even Magnus Carlson loses.

So, what to do?  Well, the first thing is to take a step back and realize that this is a game.  And when it is over, whether you win, lose or draw, the pieces are set up anew and a fresh new game begins.

Very strong players hate to lose.  I mean hate and not dislike.  I know a relatively young guy that is now USCF rated over 2300.  When he was 1600 and lost to a 2100, he was extremely upset and kept saying that he should have never lost to this weak player!  Well today, I am sure he doesn't lose to that same fellow who is still at 2100.

The second thing you should do after you realize that everyone loses, is to understand that when you lose a Chess game you now have an opportunity to learn.  You can learn what you did wrong and by doing that you will also get an idea of what you might do differently the next time to not lose in a similar situation.

Also, when you do win, and you will of course, make sure you are up on yourself.  Don't downplay or make less of your win, to yourself especially.  Congratulate yourself and be happy that what you did in that game worked and was right.  We all do like to be right after all.

Then carry on and play more Chess.

PremiumDuck
kaynight wrote:

How do you know he is from the Netherlands?

I don't mind you always trying to derail threads but at least call me 'Sir' when you want me to answer your rediculous questions and add words like 'please' and ' thank you' 

red-lady

Just stop fighting, sir duck, sir horse, please, thank you :)

There's enough misery in the world already. I'm sure there's something to be found you guys could agree upon. Climate change? The stock market? The Yen? Humanity? A favorite color? Something? Anything? See... Isn't that difficult.

xnnb2015
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