Open post

There isn’t much more time left. Ageing from a personal view, sure, time’s there but it still holds it’s distance comfortably. Ages on the other hand has started to inflict itself into intimate grounds, that personal sphere, the one that belongs to only you. Distance shortens and time compresses it self and injects the oncomings; want to breath but some kind of panic stops that function just long enough to accelerate and: - Welcome fear! Still can’t breath. Fighting to send a brainwave to the organs. Takes forever. Could it be that all and anything starts with ‘the search’, everyone does it, commencing to form a shape of what to come as a human. An endless search, a reach to get to the end of where you started. In the middle of everything something vanishes and you care.

Suddenly you do.

Thinking deeply, going submarine even, diving as far as I can with an open mind is both eye-opening and terrifying. You’ll find what you’ve lost. Thrown away even. Never took time for the small things, the time we all should take - but - we take more time to search for something. We don’t even know what that ‘something’ is. Grief-stricken. Verbs and adjectives to describe some kind of self-pity and you damn every day taken until you’ve learned. You’ll change. Acknowledging the wrongs and swallow the pride. Just swallow. Make no promises. Those are most likely to incarcerate instead of setting feelings free from regret.

A clear sky. Then a fall to rockbottom, we’re not even near, we have time – right!? Lets go there and while doing so, with a smile. Whatever you do, don’t smile, that’s the trick, just don’t. The comments you get are so worn.

You’ll get, “Why you look so sad, anything happen?”

Responding, “I’m good, all good”

Counterattack, “But you look so sad”.

At this point all you wanna do is to slap their face, real hard with a backhand. But you smile. Don’t! But do it with a smile. Anyone getting this?

Hello … ello … elo … and silence.

Three warnings is all you get, yeah, four equals no. Borders. Not always but map a pal.

As important though

Subjective? - Yes.

Abstract? - No.

For real. And it gets you into less trouble. Am I speaking in riddles for some of you, maybe most of you, well, I can be clear. This will hurt. No one cares. I don’t and it saddens me when I go deep and I guess analyse chess. Not the game though, more the scene around it all. Especially right now. Chess is now a business and before you react, start swearing and wreck your sanity, all good. This is not an attempt to paint anyone in some dark shades, not at all. It is bigger than that and much deeper. This is my perspective and if anyone should take the time, my feelings and foremost long intense thoughts about some matters.

Who am I? Well, a person. To temper your curiosity, male, single parent and last kid is flying so I guess I’m literally a ‘ single parent’. That’s nuts. Mostly happy (believe it or not). Short temper but with age, in control. More or less. Direct in person. Some say I’m like an ‘Alien’. In writing, well, it’s a wonderful piece of music …

I’m funny.

Huge life experience. I have principals and I ‘must’ nothing but to die. Crazy is beautiful to me. Life is hard. To many dreams to reach. Thresholds. An honest friendship between two brothers that never met took place. Here. And we talked and we perceived. Understood. Chess newborn.

I miss you terribly brother Harlem.

I do posses bad sides but newsflash: - Everyone does, one point in life or another, so... - What’s up? What am I ranting about you might wonder and let me tell you, so do I. I wonder a lot. Far.

About the passion for a game.

Let set one thing straight, chess is not a sport. Even at the highest level, top notch GM’s, and yes, they’re amazing and still; playing a game. I do understand how something like a boardgame can fascinate, especially chess. Timeless. It’s an ever changing puzzle. Frustrating, Giving. Has a diverse community which have grown with a virus spread, streaming boomed and serious players took their place on the platform we all call internet. Good streams has between twenty to a hundred viewers. Some exceptions do exits but I’m not talking about them. Am I!?

Like the site I’m writing on, in combination with Twitch, got me introduced to totally unknown individuals. It grew, into something I wanted to be part of. Like I said. Giving. Giving back. It’s just common sense. Easy. But something changed, some broadcasters got bigger and the viewers urge to be seen grew.

“see me, acknowledge me, I’m here”

Like tribes going to war against some others. More tribes, more war. Some exceptions do exits but I’m not talking about them. At all. Even between different sites some kind of hyped up competition arose. Good and bad. Following world championships live, with expressions, body language and everything that comes out in the open on broadcasts. Making the whole experience special. Great commentary overall. Competent and by the way, other big tournaments. Long streams with one million wrongs; learning to walk … they are walking! An ocean of information, most of them claiming to be the best, making you improve in 1 month.

Mate in under fifteen moves.

Etcetera. Some exceptions do exits but I’m not talking about them. At all. Throughout the text. Why is it called E-Sports and not E-Games? It does not make sense at all and I dislike the choice of name. I fully understand that my opinion changes nothing so I decided to coexist with ‘E-Sports’.